Saturday, August 6, 2011

There is a baby shower going on downstairs and I literally want to push over a pregnant lady to get to the mini quiches. I've been sitting for a half hour hoping that there will be leftover, calculating number of quiches to guests in attendance. There is a good chance there will be some. It would be nice to just relax on my afternoon off but instead I'm thinking about the deliciousness of mini quiches and those little sandwich rolls from a box. Aren't there better things to think about? Apparently not, but on a good note I do feel some victory from my successes yesterday. I almost stopped at McDonalds and if I did stop I was only going to get a happy meal. I knew I wasn't hungry (luckily that didn't hit me until 3 a.m. and then I forced myself to think of the beauty of an empty stomach and the forcing of my body to burn up its fat stores)

I've also made a decision to only weigh myself once a month. This may seem weird since weighing yourself weekly is supposed to help your weight loss goals. Well that doesn't work for me. I find myself obsessing over every little pound. That obsession actually makes me want to eat more. So I've decided to focus on how my body feels. And after a week of green eating I know I feel healthier and less bloated. So I am going to focus on that. Its going to be hard to stay away but I know at the end of the month it will be worth it. My highest weight was 350 (yes, tragic isn't it? I'm a 5'7 female). Thank the Lord above I carry it well. I don't look weird, I just look fat. Fat but proportionate (I'll take it) I always feel so bad with the girls with oddly shaped fat parts. That must be horrible. I have been overweight all my life so I guess I'm mostly worried about how my poor beat up body will look. Please Lord let me find a man who can look past my beleaguered body. I got around 330 but I know I've gone up since that. Most scales don't go past 330 pounds. Nothing like an error message to make you feel like a house.

I seriously want that baby shower to be over. I am hungry (for real this time) and after my beautiful leafy lunch i think a mini quiche and a sandwich roll will be ok. Now trying not to eat the whole platter is the real battle.

1 comment:

  1. Hey, thanks for the past few comments you've left on my blog. I'm starting at the beginning with yours, and while I know this entry is old, I have to tell you, I know EXACTLY what you are going through here. If I counted up all the time I have spent focusing on food, I'd have years, I swear. It's like this -every- time I go out with my family for dinner, and we get an appetizer. How many cheese sticks or potato skins can I have? Is there any way to subtly guilt my younger sister into giving me one of hers? It's pathetic, but it's real, and I applaud you for the authenticity.