Thursday, April 12, 2012

What am I really hungry for?

It's late. I'm NOT hungry, physically speaking. But my mind is telling me to eat. No food even sounds good. I keep trying to think of something that might taste good. The neural pathways in my brain are so set for this, even the blatant reality of my physical being can't get it to stop. Normally this sends me into a tizzy of warning bells and gets my mind spinning, wondering "How can I ever get this to stop?!?!" I'm hungry for something. I'm hungry for a life where I feel purposeful. The pit where I throw the food will never be filled. But for the life of me I don't have much to hold onto right now. At least for today I'm calm about it. And finally, today, I don't hate myself for it.