Saturday, June 29, 2013

Exercise tips for the morbidly obese

Exercise: An integral part of any health or weight loss plan

Disclaimer: If it is physically possible for you to complete P90X in 90 days, this post is not for you.

Now let's just begin this post with AA style honestly. I am categorized in the medical community as being morbidly obese. (Way to make that sound like the absolute worst thing one can possibly be. Even the words serial killer don't sting as bad. Ouch.)

Now some would say "just walk everyday. the pounds will melt away." Yes, walking is a proven exercise for beginners and those with lots to lose. Some people swear by it. I in no way disparage it for those that it works for. Everyone is different. I find it to be the most boring, soul crushing of exercise plans. I've shopped around and while exercise videos can be just as soul crushing and cheesy, I personally can get through one without hoping to be hit by a car. So if you are like me and walking is just not for you, I've compiled some helpful tips for getting through your workout.

1. It is okay to stop, frequently, especially if you can't hear the music over the sound of  your heart signaling that it has reached what I like to call the "red zone." This feeling is equivalent to how I imagine the guy in Aliens felt when the alien jumped right out his chest. Don't feel bad stopping. If your heart rate is up, well that's kind of the whole point so good on ya.

2. Don't feel the need to stop the video everytime you need to stop. This will make your exercise video (if you are anything like me) last approximately 6 hours and 45 minutes. Just get back up when you feel the alien is just a little peeved and not quite ready to blow a hole out your front.

3. Modify, modify, modify. Most exercise programs these days have a few participants who modify the exercise for their needs. Do this! You don't have to jump because they do. Do not feel bad about yourself. The fact that you are moving truly is the most important thing. I mean Sit and Be fit has been running on PBS for like a millions years and they are literally sitting down the whole time.

4. Clothes are optional. (Mirrors are also optional and I find that looking into them is actually detrimental because ok, really, I don't need to see that.) Seriously. Sweating is a useful part of the exercise process. Wearing a gallon of water, well just plain feels icky. I do advocate for supportive underwear. It would be such a shame to work that hard and be knocked out by one's own breast or end up with them located somewhere around your knees.

5. Let me repeat. Mirrors. Just don't.

6. Water. Duh!

7. You will get better. You will get better. You will get better. You will get better. Someone please tell me I will get better!!!!!!!

I'm interested to hear if anyone else any overweight exercise tips. What gets you through it?

Thursday, June 27, 2013


As I sweated and huffed and stopped every 5 seconds (okay minutes) through my exercise video I thought "I'll never be able to do this all the way through." This inner statement rang through me like a warning bell. I never thought much about my doubts during any weight loss attempt. I grudgingly "gave it another go." My last failure just another tick on my weight loss attempts accounting that I always carry. I don't have a grand total but it feels like I have spent all my life wondering how to seriously lose weight. Losing 20 pounds then gaining 30, losing 15 and gaining 40, blah blah blah. But as I've scoured my mind to place what change I would have to make, not just in my diet and exercise, but my mental structuring of the monumental feat. When I was young I never thought about doubt. Now I've even started contemplating weight loss surgery, something I had always said I would never do. I really really don't want to have weight loss surgery. I'm not against it and I am truly happy for everyone that it has been the solution for. Maybe I am meant to do it the natural way, maybe I am deluded and it's time to have my insides surgically altered. I think it's the understanding that it's not my body that really needs the altering that keeps me from it. It is most assuredly my mind that needs altering. But how and in what way? No leeway, lot's of leeway, never touching a white carb, exercising every day, exercising only. I read somewhere that real change must come from a place of peace. (I'm thinking it was Oprah magazine). Peace!! I had never tried that. Change is supposed to be a wrenching battle of will. Is there a way to remain calm AND make the right choices? I don't honestly know but it's worth a try. I think it might be just the thing.

But rewinding all the way back to the beginning, where does doubt fit into this whole picture? Is it as destructive as it felt today. Is not doubting the same as cheerfully believing. Do I have to be a perky diet monster who disavowes doubt altogether? Will not doubting my ability to stay on track really help me stay on track. Can a removal of doubt come from a place of peace or must it be rousted out violently like a bug bomb in a bathroom? I just don't know. I'm gonna try peace instead of war. Calm understanding that brocolli will be better than the anxiety reducing candy bar. If I give myself the peace to not be crushed if I pick the candy bar will that actually help me stay away from the candy bar? cuh nun drum. Well, it did today. I had reese's pieces in my desk. I had two for the taste and let the others rest. I had one bite of pie and peacefully put down the fork. Will it last? I don't honestly know.