Shouldn't I be happy now?

So I'm loaded down with vegetables and fruits and protein. But I just don't feel like it. I'm having a down day. I don't want to deal with all this reality. Even now, my hands hover over the keyboard and my mind falls into quiet melancholy. You would think that I would want less chatter in my brain but I know that complete shutdown isn't much better. It's like a fog has entered my mind. It makes me want to forget all the good that I've done. I don't want to think about the future but so far that hasn't been the best plan. I wish I knew what to type. Panic is so much easier to type out. The feelings just flow out and released. This grip holds on. It makes sure I know how bad I feel. Happiness is a choice, no one tells you how difficult it is to get there. I'm trying hard to choose it.