Sunday, August 7, 2011
I really should go to bed. I really want McDonalds. I filled my refrigerator with vegetables and fruit. I wish I could feel better about it. The shine has definitely come off this eating change. I'm fibered and vitamined up. I'm eating a rainbow of produce but I'd rather have a plate of crispy brown. I really wish this song would stop playing in my mind. I know its just an Add mechanism doing its thing. I don't want to get depressed but without food as a pacifier I'm gonna have to deal with these feelings. Regret, loneliness, sadness, self-hatred, melancholy, and overall blahness. I don't want to think of the pressure to get a job and to figure out my future. I worked forever to be a singer and now I feel like I don't want that at all. But it's use it or lose it and I don't want to regret not singing anymore some day. But you have to be so motivated and always moving forward to make it in the singer game. With my Add and other mental issues I can hardly get anything done but desperately trying to not just sit numbly trying to block out reality. I can feel the wave about to come over me. Tomorrow is gonna be a battle. Holy crap, here comes Monday.