Thursday, August 11, 2011

Good news but no drive-thru

So after a night of troubled sleep I finally got through it and got through my interview. I have a job (pending paperwork and a background check.) Since I didn't eat breakfast because of the time crunch and my nerves my stomach went crazy after it was all over. The first thing I thought was, "I did it, I should celebrate. Where should I go eat." It's such an instant reaction. I was proud and shocked that I really made myself say no. I still miss bad food, I miss it very much. Its supposed to lessen as time goes by. People even say they don't really crave it anymore. Oh please oh please oh please let that really happen. I want a McNugget so freakin bad right now. And that addict part of me keeps chanting "but you deserve it!" But don't I deserve to feel healthier, to live longer, to dance harder. I want to go into that little place that says, "it will just be this once and then you can go back right to it." The cold hard reality is that its never just one celebration dinner. If it was, my ass wouldn't be so darn big. I really want to be gung ho right now. I really want to be Ms. Positive takin it one day at a time. But its just not how I feel right now. I just feel fat and old and I really don't want to eat healthy today. So I made one small victory, I will just try to hold on real tight to that.

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