Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Letting the dream go

As I was walking this evening... oh.. I didn't tell you yet? My bad! I went walking this evening, for an hour! I am so freakin proud of myself right now. Full disclosure: 5 of those minutes were post walk stretching. Yes! I actually stretched after exercise. I'm amazing... can I just say that....yep.... I'm amazing. Amazing, yet incredibly off topic. As I was walking, my mind went to its myriad of negative places and I thought about the last time I tried to walk every day. Then I thought "NO! I'm walking forward. I'm walking away from my old life and into a new one." It does not matter what is back there.

Earlier today I was talking to a friend about just settling down and making a career as a teacher instead of continuing to chase the dream of being an opera singer. It should be harder. I should regret giving up and I should regret spending all this time on something I plan to give up on. But I don't, I love the voice, I love singing, and I love telling others about how their vocal instrument works. I let go of  a dream and I didn't even realize it til now. I'm looking forward to a life that involves a home and staying close to my family. This brought me to all the other dreams and fantasies I carry. So many of them aren't exactly unhelpful but they certainly aren't helpful. Movies and songs tell us to never stop chasing our dreams. But isn't it okay to dream about a life well led with family and friends? or a goal that's realistic?

So here is a list of dreams and their accompanying realities.

1. Dream - I will wake up tomorrow and be skinny
Reality - I will wake up tomorrow knowing that I'm a fraction smaller than I was yesterday

2. Dream - I want to be a famous opera singer
Reality - The odds are against me and it will take years of stress and poverty that I just don't want to go through

3. Dream - If I'm as nice as possible, people will change by my example
Reality - I have no control over other people

4. Dream - McDonalds is healthy
Reality - McDonalds can NEVER be part of my regular diet

5. Dream - A loving man will fall in my lap
Reality - I'm gonna have to start looking for a man.

6. Dream - I will never have health problems
Reality - The longer I am this weight, the more I will pay for it later

7. Dream - People will always be exactly who I remember them to be
Reality - People change, including me

8. Dream - I can be a size 4
Reality - I am built sturdy and nothing will change that

9. Dream - I don't have AD/HD
Reality - AD/HD is part of my life and will always be. Medication can help but I have to find my best life with the cards I was dealt

I want to live in the present but its a struggle for me. But today I am walking forward and I've left some more baggage on the road behind me.

Anyone else have any dreams they are letting go of?

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