Ever want to change the way you think about everything but just can't? That's how I've felt all weekend. I want to be powerful and inspirational. I don't feel powerful at all. I want to get back to my commitment to eating healthy but I've been full of excuses and hiding within myself. It's not that I have gone horribly wrong and am eating badly. I'm just not motivated to make the best choices. I went to the store today thankfully so I have those healthy options for tomorrow. I just feel trapped. I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I feel like no one sees me. Rationally I know that I can't expect people to always give me what I need. Right now I need some kindness, I need someone to think of me when they don't have to. But I'm painfully aware that its not going to happen. Then I also know that I shouldn't be so selfish. I should reach out and help others. But I've been too busy or lazy or preoccupied to find a way to volunteer. I need to do that. Stop making me the only part of the equation in my head. There are many people in my life who don't want or don't appreciate all this extra love I have to give. I want to go somewhere where I'm not just a freak but where what I say has value. The little girl inside of me just needs a hug I guess.
Sorry my posts have been so downtrodden but to act happy would be a lie.