Sunday, August 21, 2011

Hello, My name is AD/HD.

It was a long busy day, but an absolutely wonderful one. I got paid well to sing, I had a wonderful coffee talk time with an old friend, and I had fun at a friends birthday party. I'm quite exhausted but am very glad to have had some human interaction. Its also wonderful to do that interacting with people who are more like me. I love my family, more than I can say. But they just don't get me. I had a wonderful conversation with a friend who has AD/HD too. It was SUCH A RELIEF to be able to talk about it with someone who struggles like I do. People just do not get what its like to deal with AD/HD every day of your life. And most people want to believe that its really not that big of a deal. I constantly hear, "not everything is about AD/HD, it can't be your excuse for everything." I'M NOT TRYING TO MAKE EXCUSES!! I'm trying to explain what I go through. And, yes! everything about me goes back to AD/HD. I am AD/HD. It is part of how I think, how I learn, how I process information, how I relate to others, how I solve problems, and a myriad of other things. I can't disconnect the two without being a completely different person. My friend understood that and was in total agreement. It was so relieving to talk about all the things about AD/HD I think about and to hear someone go "Exactly!! I totally understand." My newest analogy is, go through your day exactly as you always do, don't change one single thing about your entire day. But while you are doing this I'm going to follow you around and throw ping pong balls at your face, constantly without stopping. And if you need to do something important, I will throw them faster and harder. Think about how much you would get done with someone throwing ping pong balls at your face, Could you live your life? Yes, but when you had trouble, it would be obvious to everyone that dealing with the distraction of ping pong balls to your face would hinder your abilities. I have no such luxury. Unfortunately I can't give guided tours of my brain.

Now, I would be remiss to not talk about my eating for the day. I can't say that it was a total success but in a strange way it was successful. Breakfast was a granola bar and a juice box as I ran out the door and I remembered to grab my vitamin and my fish oil. (Eating breakfast for the win).  Lunch was provided (Jason's Deli). I chose the salad (Victory!) but then I had someones bag of chips (food addict knee jerk reaction, thumbs down). Then I went completely off reservation and had beignets with honey and coffee (bad choice, yes I'm aware). Then I had 3 drinks. Now this I have to give myself credit for. I have been out about 3 or 4 times when people were drinking and had water all the way. It was a reasonable thing. Now this means I had no dinner (Alarm bells!). So my mind says, "hey its Saturday, live a little, it's only one day, you didn't have dinner, you need to eat" I was fully ready to hit the McDonalds line hard core. But, I did not. (Victory, Rocky theme plays). Now without the greasy carbs to drown out all the coffee alcohol acidity I've done a pre-emptive Zantac strike. I believe that life is choices and balance. My balance may be slightly on the bad side today but I will not forget to look honestly at what I did right. These kind of days are all part of the journey.

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