Saturday, August 6, 2011

Panic! Halt! Relax! repeat

I was so peacefully dozing and I reflected on my small portion of ice cream tonight and thought, "Have I really beaten this?" Alarm Bells. "I've only begun to fight!!!!! This only gets harder in the beginning!!!" And my mind runs screaming through the streets of my mind. I realize the agonizing months ahead of me. I then begin obsessing. How much weight can I lose in a year, new clothes, the millions of choices to be made and the amounts of fruits and vegetables. I do this every time, focusing on things that have never occurred.And how many times have I dreamed of the finish line. It truly seems unbelievable. I mean completely unfathomable. Imagining myself at a healthy weight is like trying to understand the universe going on forever. My brain can't even compute it hypothetically. This of course leads me into a brain whirlwind about my future and my ADD brain takes over. I can just hear the tune of the carousel. Around and around we go, getting absolutely nowhere.

Ok.........Breathe in....... breathe out. I am a zen master. Ahhhh.......... peaceful calm. This day is over. Tomorrow will begin as it will. Worry is useless. One good portion of ice cream will do for today.

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