Monday, August 5, 2013

Waiting for the "aha" moment

Miss me? ...  *crickets*....*tumbleweeds*

It's okay, I get it.

But don't worry dear readers, I didn't disappear again. I got terribly sick (in July! ick) and then it was my birthday trip. So here it is Monday night. Last night I went to bed after thinking, dreaming, analyzing and still ending up in the same maelstrom of confusion. I have come to understand that the morning won't bring understanding. When I sadly considered postponing til Tuesday (I mean isn't Monday bad enough) I realized it's not gonna be any better on Tuesday. I think I keep hoping that if I analyze, and ponder, and strategize, and dream, and plan that the next morning I will wake up with "IT". Call it the "aha" or the shining moment where I  never look back and all my weight loss dreams come true. I think this happens for some people. As I grow and continue to understand myself it's become clear that for me personally, things come slowly or not at all. Now let me be clear, when I do finally learn it, I learn it better and more potently than anyone. I've learned to take pride in that although I move slow, I always move forward. I know people who make leaps and bounds at things but in some things they are stuck, sometimes forever. I am a slow but beautiful bloomer. So this is what I must face. I'm not going to want to do this anymore tomorrow than I did this morning. Today is it. Too bad if it feels like the hardest thing ever pretty much every day. My progress will not show itself in a miraculous prophetic moment. My progress will come when one morning I realize I don't hate it so very much anymore.

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