Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Am I really ready?

Am I really ready? This is the question that plagues me, that worries me. Is there a secret ingredient for the effort that works, for the time one can say "I finally did it"? Or is it getting up and each time learning from the last time you fell down? Because I have fallen down a hundred times or more. Some of those times were half-hearted but some of those times were whole hearted attempts.What will set this attempt apart from the others? Is it simply the fact that I'm not quitting? Or is it because I am grounded so firmly in reality that I'm not letting any lies get through? I feel slightly agitated and anxious today. I have to accept it and work toward setting it free instead of stewing in it. This is a long journey that I have to take day by day. I have to free myself from the worry about next month and next year. Today is today. This is August. There are 10 days left in this month. This is the only place I will allow myself to be. I must rest in today, in my good choices. I turned down sugary foods and ate 3 meals and 2 snacks and drank water. I've done my part. There is no room for anxiety today. It does me no good and I have done so much good today. I won't let it take me away from that.

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