Tuesday, November 6, 2012
You have to go through to get to
Night is always the hardest, the breaking point. No more calories to consume, a whole evening of me and my neuroses. Last night I nearly lost my mind tossing and turning in bed. The thought that soothed me was "the only way to is through." Dr. Oz said "weight loss is a battle." That man really gets it. I love his show. It has motivated me to start again. I am trying to not do the same trying to be the nutrition goddess of perfection. My first goal right now is to eat. Huh? What? It's amazing how not eating can actually make you fatter. I am the don't eat breakfast, late lunch, midnight pigout kinda gal. This is dieting death. I have to eat. But this requires thought, planning, a near obsession with food. Now obsession is no new friend of mine but the line of obsession from helpful to crazy wild eating a whole pizza in one sitting kind of obsession is very thin and I usually fall. I must face the anxiety if it is ever going to lessen. I have to sit in it and not run away. I have to accept this and my new reality. No more after dinner food. It's the law, it's the rule. Can I start crying yet? So evening 2 here I go. Come on reality, let's dance.