Tuesday, November 13, 2012

I'm feeling the change a little. That extra energy and the sense that my body is completely on. I have the habit of wanting to nap but I don't actually have the fatigue to have to nap to feel normal. I didn't sleep well last night though. I couldn't sleep so I watched some t.v. It helped keep the thoughts at bay a little but I still really wanted to find a slice of cheesecake and some cheetos. I definitely know what my treat will be this weekend. I have a pretty clear plan that involves cheetos, a slice of cheesecake, and a Dr. Pepper. Now I have to find a way to create the new habit of being able to wait for special occasions. The cravings and the obsessive thoughts will wane. I know they will but I have to keep strong and goodness its hard. During the day I have a meal coming in 3 hours. But now after 7 I can't eat. I might have a small applesauce but that's it. But I made it through last night. And here comes another one. One day at a time. I have to believe that I can and let myself know that it's time to be real and to do the work. Tonight I hid veggies all up in the pasta sauce. I am proud.

Tomorrow we go to my aunt's house and on Thursday we have company. I will have to be very clear with my goals and expectations for the next two days. That means resisting dessert (or entering the treacherous waters of the three bite rule)  two nights in a row, including a dessert I made myself. Strangely enough I have an easier time not eating what I made personally. Baking is an act of sharing, of giving. I get the best satisfaction from seeing others be happy. Maybe I will play the I'm a busy hostess please don't notice I didn't have any dessert routine. It's the questions that are the most awkward part. I think it's pretty obvious why a gal like myself would say no to dessert. Must we make a big show of wondering it aloud?

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