Wednesday, November 7, 2012

I found myself this evening not wanting to get into bed. The past several nights I have had trouble sleeping but it wasn't that. I had several shows I could watch on Hulu and I had planned to just watch t.v. until I was tired and stop worrying so much about my sleep cycle. But for some reason I kept avoiding going to bed. I watched a couple less enticing shows on the DVR and wondered why I didn't just go and watch t.v. in my room. Then I realized my habit, my dirty little secret. T.V. in bed goes hand in hand with eating, especially candy and chocolate binges. The numbing beauty of t.v. and sweets, ah the sweet calming joy of it all. But now I would have to come and sit in here without food. I enjoy t.v. on its own but I really want my little secret stash in the nightstand or the late night kitchen run. It just didn't seem as fun anymore. That probably means I should get a hobby or watch less t.v. UH.... let's save that little gem for some other day. Right now I am struggling with the late night addiction pains. Does overeaters anonymous have those little chips like A.A. does? That would be really nice. I have looked for an overeaters anonymous meeting near me but there is only one and it is held during the day when I can't go. It's also at a relatives church which would be tres awkward. I have my limits. I think o.a would be helpful for me. I know it's an addiction. I know ADHD plays a part but it's still an addiction. And right now this addict is on day three in the hardest part of the day. Everyone had brownies and ice cream for dessert. I had three tiny nibbles of the brownie before I threw the rest in the trash. I was proud of that. No bullshit, just the truth of knowing I can't have it around. I tried some frozen grapes. They are interesting but I would have them again. I have to just get over the fact that nothing is going to really replace or taste like ice cream. There is no magic pill. It's just eat right and get moving. Le sigh.

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