Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Tuesday night nosedive
Last night I went off the rails and today I am being crushed by anxiety. Last night I was awash in TOM hormones and post holiday blahs. It was a storm of disaster. Okay maybe not disaster. But I did make cinnamon sugar toast and ate straight up bacon and cheddar cheese. I couldn't handle my brain. And the food only calmed the storm for a few minutes. I've been vigilant today and will be good at family dinner tonight but I am struggling. If I can get through this week and come out safely it will be a triumphant moment for me. I knew I had to blog about it, get it out in the open. I can't hole up in my mind cave. Decisions have to be made today. I want so desperately to just "wait til tomorrow" but I think we all know where that leads. I have to be present in my fear and my anxiety. I have to know that I can face these feelings and not hide from them. Today today today, I will choose to stand up today. Breathe. One day at a time. I think I am now sane enough to finish my grapefruit. Don't be surprised if you see me back tonight. I will write all night if if keeps me from going insane or to the refrigerator.