The holidays are pretty much over. I am excited for the new year. I'm in a completely different place than I was last year. But I still have just as many questions. And the reality is that the real world is still spinning and I don't have the holidays to pin my "I'll wait til"'s on. But I think thats a good thing. I want to find a way to start living. I want to go toward something for myself. I want to look forward to myself, not just another persons party or a holiday or anything I haven't set in motion myself.
That means I have to start taking things seriously. But the hardest part is drawing that line between serious and obsessive maniacal perfectionism. That road only ever leads to a massive implosion. But I can't use that as an excuse to not face up to the fact that I have to start exercising, eating right, and most importantly doing those things while dealing with the addiction that always destroys my best intentions. I have to be ACTIVE in every aspect of my life. I have to start dating, I have to get up and exercise, I have to make decisions about how I want to make money for the future. I feel safer when I just let life happen to me. But that isn't living. It's existing. The can of soup on my shelf is existing. I do about as much as that can of soup. At least it's low in fat.