Sunday, February 19, 2012

Just a pretty face

Ok, how do I say this without sounding arrogant? I'm beautiful. Yep, that sounds completely big headed. But here's the shitty part. I'm fat, really fat, and apparently that just reminds people how beautiful you could be. I was blessed with a lovely face. Seriously. I have beautiful eyes, lovely teeth, good bone structure, a nice nose, small but shapely lips, and relatively good skin (nothing good makeup can't fix). I shouldn't complain. Really, I shouldn't. I've been blessed.  But being told (and knowing it even if no one said it) that you would be gorgeous IF you were a normal weight is like a punch in the gut. I've never been skinny, EVER. My body is a wreck. I've done irreversible damage to it. My skin won't ever fully recover and .... well we all know what extra weight does to the body. But if I lost the weight, clothes and the godsend of Spanx could cover the damage well enough. But this face will only last another 20 years (30 with the right science). It's like having a million dollars ten feet away but not being able to reach it. I want to shine. I want to stand next to (she shall remain nameless) and be, if not the skinny one, the beautiful one. Now I'm just a could be. I've been a could be since I was a teenager. I know this post sounds like a bunch of stupid crap but my face has been one of the only things I've had to hold on to (not including my awesome sense of humor). It just hurts to hear how beautiful I WOULD be. It just makes me depressed. Sorry for this ridiculous sounding post. Time to get my could be beauty sleep. Goodnight.

4 comments:

  1. You know, most often the outside is a symptom of something else...speaking from experience. Love yourself inside and out!

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  2. Totally not a ridiculous post! I understand what you are saying. Just know that you are on the right track of making the other part of you what you want. Just keep your focus on your goal, do all you know to do and never quit! You've got this!!

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  3. I'm not sure how to reply to this really. It's fantastic that you have a beautiful face, but I also think you need to learn how to love yourself - and all of yourself. You're working on losing weight and getting healthy, that's worth loving. Everyone has beauty, no matter size.

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    1. I wouldn't know how to reply either. I almost didn't post it but it was honest so I did it anyway. I've always struggled with loving myself just as I am and I strive to be beautiful on the inside too. I agree wholeheartedly with your comment. It's just a singular issue that I was reminded of when someone decided to again tell me what could be. It's not something I constantly worry or think about and I certainly don't define my worth from it.

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