Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Time to pull my head out of the sand.

It's been too long. I know this. I've almost come back so many times. But I think about having to write about how I'm feeling and then I do what I'm best at, running from the problem. Then I had some people ask me why I wasn't blogging. It felt good to know people were interested. Then I wonder why I would have to say that wouldn't be me wallowing in self pity. I try not to let the self pity leak out on to others. I want to say that I've bounced back and that I'm ready to keep going. The reality is that I'm not. I feel rather stuck. And tonight I found out that my family will be flying up to see my brother for Thanksgiving. I have been looking forward to seeing my brother. Now I have to worry about airplane seats. I don't want to cancel my whole trip because of my big ass. But I'm terrified I won't fit in the seat or they will make me buy two seats. I've handled a lot of embarrassment in my life but I don't think I could take the shame of being led out of the plane to go buy another ticket. I also doubt I could fly first class and I know I would get a lot of questions about that. I really don't feel like telling people that I had to buy a more expensive seat cause I was too expansive. Expansive = expensive. It was just something I don't really want to think about right now. I'm trying to be positive. Not one of my best skills in a time like this.

The eating is about to get better. Finally have a little money to spend at the grocery store. I will be back tomorrow but beware, I might be whining again.

2 comments:

  1. I'm really glad that you're back. Fuck what other people think, and what other people say. This is your blog, this is your LIFE. There are going to be good days, and there are going to be bad days. There are going to be people who unfollow you when you complain too much, or when you're going through a hard time, or when you curse too much (ha.) But for better or for worse this blog is for YOU, not for other people. Don't ever apologize for your feelings. I can't to wait to see what happens next.

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  2. Good luck to you. Keep pushing. If it was easy, everyone would do it - and you wouldn't be a rockstar. ;)

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