Tuesday, October 1, 2013

So who am I then?

So the question becomes who am I if I'm not constantly looking forward to my next meal. It can be disheartening when food becomes something to manage, something to juggle. I had to go home last night and make my lunch and dinner at 10:30 last night after a long day. It's easy to throw together a sandwich or a frozen dinner. It gets time consuming using fresh ingredients, low carbs, high fiber, lots of veggies etc. etc. etc. There certainly isn't an expectation of "oooh I can't wait to eat this tomorrow."

So how do I transition to the new me? What is there to think about if I'm not planning my next meal or thinking about going to the snack machine? I can't just not think about food. I have to plan, I have to anticipate, I have to be ready to make the better choice every single day. I can't stop people from bringing cupcakes to work. I can't stop my family from making junk for every meal we have together. I'm the one who has to go in and wage a war with myself. I had a friend yesterday say "well just have a little to help with the craving." Please understand that I am an addict. It doesn't work that way. You don't give an alcoholic a beer, don't give me just a little. The craving won't go away. The neural pathways in my brain have to be rearranged. I have to find a relationship with sweets that is healthy. That starts with the ability to say no. I have a long way to go. Life just seems boring without junk food. But I'm so tired of being trapped by my mind and body. I have to make a choice.

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