Sunday, December 2, 2012

Under my skin

I have never had a drug problem and I thank the Lord for that. So I can't state that what I'm feeling right now is the same feeling drug addicts get while they are in withdrawal. What I can say is that I sympathize with the physical effects of your body asking for something you aren't going to give it. It truly is like an itch, it gets under your skin. The battlefield of my mind is bad enough, I really don't need this feeling in my body too. I want something bad and I want it bad. Something in me wants to go and make the cake in the pantry and just eat it until the bad goes away. Every time I breathe deep and try to release this feeling, I get the chills. I'm nervous and I just want sweet deliciousness. Food addiction is real and right now it's kicking my ass. I want this so bad, I want to make this the final time I ever do this. I want to live my life as a normal sized person. For goodness sakes, I want to actually feel what it's like to be normal sized. This is getting really stressful. I have to go through to get to. One day at a time. Today I want to not give in.

I also had a wonderful moment this week. I was catching up on my Dr. Oz shows on t.v. And lo and behold! He did a whole entire segment on ADHD in women. I nearly cried the whole time. This mental health issue never gets discussed. My diagnosis changed my life and lifted a huge burden of shame and self-loathing I carried my entire life. But very few people really understand or believe adult ADHD is a real mental health issue. To see it discussed by real doctors on national television made me feel like somebody believed and understood me. Maybe someday this will be given the attention it deserves.

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