Feeling discouraged.

Work has been melting my brain and I am very tired. I did my exercises but my limitations were just discouraging today. I am not craving food so that's something I guess. One day at a time.

Stress eating, how do you deal?

Today was a long day. A friend from college is in a devastating situation where either outcomes is terribly saddening. His life and career might be over and it's breaking my heart. The truth is just sad, whatever it may turn out to be.

My eating was not good today. Yesterday was long and draining and mentally exhausting. Today I was still swamped in the work that is piling up. The stress led me to make some bad choices. (On a good side note, I was very proud that my eating while not healthy was not disordered eating. I didn't finish my lunch and I threw away my soda after thinking that I didn't really need a re-fill. ) So the stress triggered me going with unhealthy options but I didn't let the meal take over my thinking. It was strangely disappointing and affirming at the same time.

Now, I know I don't have many readers but I would like to know if any of you have ways you deal with stress eating. What helps you choose to go through the work of eating healthy?

I am glad I rested yesterday as I could feel my body needed it even though my mind worries that if I stop one day I won't restart the next. There will be days that I need to rest and days that exercise doesn't fit into my schedule. I hope to continue reaffirming that one day off is just one day off. When I exercised today I could feel that the rest was appropriate and I was getting fatigued at the end of last week. I have to admit it felt like I hadn't exercised in a week but I am really really happy and excited that I got to it today without the usual excuses.

Calm Sunday before the storm

I am trying to rest up today for the coming week. All the students come back tomorrow and the week is going to be stressful and hectic. I got all my laundry and shopping done. I didn't exercise the full time because my body was telling me that it needed some rest and I listened. I have to start working my exercising around opera so I needed to get in some today since Thursday I won't be able to. I'm not gonna have a lot of free time soon. My main goal for this week is to pack my lunch every night before dinner so I can have the whole day planned and I plan to eat a big healthy breakfast. I am ready to try foregoing yogurt with fruit and will add some low sugar granola and fresh strawberries. Cutting sugar out is very tricky. I've been paying a lot of attention to nutrition labels and I'll tell you, they hide sugar everywhere. I am very excited about my afternoon of nothing. I also got some potstickers from the store for dinner tonight. I'm gonna have a salad first but I wanted to give myself something as a treat that wasn't pure sugar. Fall 2013 here we come!

6 days in a row!!

I exercised 6 days in a row. For you, this may be old news. For me, this is hope for a future I'm finally starting to believe I might have.

A good week

I am pretty happy about this week. My food wasn't exactly where I want it to be but it was still enough to be proud of. I ate breakfast every morning, drank water all day, and resisted several sweets opportunities. I am ready for the month to be through so I can get through the first week of school which will be a nightmare. Opera starts on Thursday!! Yay! And I will be really proud to see my calendar full of X's. If I exercise tomorrow, that will be 6 full days in a row. Opera is going make exercising a little harder but I will just have to be commited to exercising on the days I am not in opera. That will still make 4-6 days a week (until tech week). When tech week comes I want to really try to set a goal to exercise in the mornings even if it is just the 20 minute workout video.

I am still struggling with some "It's all gonna crash and burn!!!" anxiety but I think the exercise really is helping to regulate my mood. Just 8 days left in August and then we start fresh in September and that is as far as I plan right now.

Analyzing cheescake.

I was at a book club this evening and there was a tasty sopapilla cheescake. I ate two bites even though I wanted to turn it down. Even before I ate those two bites I really started thinking about how irrational my desire for that cheesecake is. Now I don't have any answers as how to make my mind stop doing that but I do realize that my mind has a subconscious attachment to it that my rational brain can't understand. As I sat looking at the cheesecake I wondered "why does it seem so important that I do or don't have a bite of that cheesecake?" The rational part of my brain that has been working it's butt of these last weeks wants me to unilaterally never have a bite of sweets ever again. And you know what, I could go my whole life without eating another bite of dessert and I would be fine!!!!!!! This seems imcomprehensible to part of my brain. How does one live without desserts?!? It's not feasible or possible. So I ate two bites of cheesecake mindfully. I explored the flavor and why this bite seems so important. It was delicious but not life altering. I have analyzed it the best I can and honestly I don't have any answers. All I know is I didn't eat two pieces like I would have in the past. And that is what I plan to be proud of. Sorry rational mind, one day at a time.

Am I really ready?

Am I really ready? This is the question that plagues me, that worries me. Is there a secret ingredient for the effort that works, for the time one can say "I finally did it"? Or is it getting up and each time learning from the last time you fell down? Because I have fallen down a hundred times or more. Some of those times were half-hearted but some of those times were whole hearted attempts.What will set this attempt apart from the others? Is it simply the fact that I'm not quitting? Or is it because I am grounded so firmly in reality that I'm not letting any lies get through? I feel slightly agitated and anxious today. I have to accept it and work toward setting it free instead of stewing in it. This is a long journey that I have to take day by day. I have to free myself from the worry about next month and next year. Today is today. This is August. There are 10 days left in this month. This is the only place I will allow myself to be. I must rest in today, in my good choices. I turned down sugary foods and ate 3 meals and 2 snacks and drank water. I've done my part. There is no room for anxiety today. It does me no good and I have done so much good today. I won't let it take me away from that.